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a bit about me

Posted: 6 months ago - Jun 12, 2022

in 1990 i turned 21 just got clean from smoking crack. my addiction wasnt long i started smoking it in the summer of 87 after high school, lost every thing my apartment my car everything and i ended up 1989 i went to stay with a friend to try to get clean, took me a few months but i have been clean since since august 26th of 1990. on april 12th of 1990 i was at a club and meet a guy, richard he was 19 we started to date and he later moved in with me were had our ups and downs he came from an abusive home, he mainly grew up in institutions, whe he was home his stepfather abused him, his mother stood there and watched,richard was german born and adopted by this military couple who brought him to the U.S..

when he turned 16 his mother removed him from the institution he was in and sent him to live with his father, who when he turned 17 he kicked him out, he lived with a friend and her family til he finished school, then we met that night on april 12th, when we started living together we got along great like animals, the same music. over the years we have raised birds, had dogs, a few cats, we raised rats, ran a ferret rescue, had rabbits, guinea pigs, raised sugar gliders/did rescue, raised snakes, had a few iguanas and kept aquariums, while i worked richard went to beauty schoolhe went during the day and i worked at night. we lived hand to mouth and loved it, we had goals we met, i worked in restuarants and we lived off of my tips, then when he finished beauty school i went to school and became a nurses assistant, i worked in assisted living facilities. during that time richard got in with the wrong crowd and started using cocaine, things got sour between us he had also started drinking, one night while he was out with his friends he got pulled he became scared and drove off was arrested for dwi and fleeing... i asked him to move out and got him a place to stay, after2 months of his "friends" not coming around he asked for help, i let him come home where we worked on him getting clean, things went back to normal for us.

soon after he got clean he wanted to do something different so i helped him go to school where he also became a nurses assistant we worked in a nursing home became a supervisor and did well. soon after we were working in 2001 we decicded to get a nicer place to live, so we moved we worked and came home when we had days off together we did things together shopped went out to eat saw a movie, we really enjoyed each other. we had our own bedrooms he liked to sleep alone and i move around to much.

in 2004 we want to be closer to my mom so we moved across town my mom loved richard like he was her own child, so did my dad my dad passed in 2001.the trailer we moved into was in bad shape and very small but we were still happy. in 2007 me and richard sat down and talked one morning he had told me he met another guy and he wanted to see where it led, i said ok we remained friends, he moved out of our home and got his own place. he lived right down the street. he wanted to make sure i was ok because i do suffer with schizophrenia. in 2007 i met a guy in new york, john he drove to nc, i remember the one thing he said to me was "i want to know what it feels like to be loved" i asked him to move in with me and he did john had got a job working at the assisted living i work as a maintience man. richard decided with this new guy to move to texas during that time john became sick and refused to see a doctor, finally in july 4th of 2009 i took him to the er where he was admittedand diagnosed with stage four colon cancer, richard and his new guy moved to texas in oct of 2009. in december richard called he called once a week, and told me he was unhappy and wanted to know if anything happened to him would i take his animals, he had 3 dogs and the parrot, i told him yes why what was going on, later that night he called me and told me he caught the guy cheating and the guy was hitting him. so me and john made arrangements to send him the money to come back to nc, he was planning to take the bus, i asked about his animals, he said he would get someone to take him to get them, i told him no if you leave them behind he will give them away out of spite, so i sent richard more money to rent a car so he could bring them with him, he arrived on the night of january 26th we he got to my house he sain "im free"

he moved in with john and i, be cause john was scheduled to have surgery feb 4th, we went to unc chapel hill and he had surgery feb 9thfrom feb 4th to march 5 2010 i lived at chapel hill in the room with johnhe asked me not to leave him. during the last part of me workingi went off my meds as i could not afford them without insuranc and having to pay for johns meds. so after john got out of the hospital i started disability, me and richard took care of john after he came home in march, things were great we would take john out he loved the sun.

on august 11 2010 john went unresponsive we sent him to the er where they got him awake me and richard were with him, later about 7 richard called a for a ride to go home where i could have time with john, at 826 pm he passed in my arms with me saying i love you. richard got a ride back to the hospital to drive me home richard was there for 3 months when i became sad. then richard and were drinking coffee one morning and began talking asking question wondering where we went wrong, he said he thought the grass was greener on the other side, i just wanted someone to love, so we decided to see if we could get it right. and we did .

in 2011 richard started having back pain,he described it as a cold spot in his lower back,he went to the dr and she prescribed lortab, after a few days it wasnt helping so he bought a bag of weed which helped. a few months had went by and his dr found out he was smoking weed instead of taking the pain meds, and reccommended he either go to pain management or find another dr, he went to painmanagement where they prescribed morphine and sent him for a mri, and found he had 2 bulging disks in his lower spine and osteoarthritis in his spine and knees.

the dr also put him on celebrex, which he had a bad reaction to, he could not dec 2013 they tried the celebrex again in which he had a bad reaction again but refused to stop because the dr told him to take it longer this time, on jan 26 i woke up to find richard passed away in his sleep i didnt get to say good bye or i love you, the funny part was a few weeks before richard made me promise him that i would take care of his dogs and parrot in the event he died, because he wanted to die before me because he thought i was stronger than him and he wouldnt survive if i passed before him.

im not sure of what the future holds for me........

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